Top 30 Antijokes

Welcome to the top 30 antijokes.

The Top 30 Antijokes List

These are the top 30 Antijokes for 2024.

1. What Do a Banana and a Helicopter Have in Common? Neither of them is a police officer.
2. What do you call an earthquake at a nursing home? Old people falling.
3. Why Can't You Talk to a Dog on the Phone? They don't have phones. See also Dogs.
4. My friend thought that an onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face.
5. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
6. What do an elephant and a grape have in common? One of them is purple.
7. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, Why the long face? The horse says, Evolution.
8. Did You Hear About the Pony Who Lost Both Left Hooves? It's really hard for him to walk now.
9. What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
10. What did little Timmy want for Christmas? Parents.
11. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
12. What Happens when a Witch Meets an Wizard? Nothing. Neither exists.
13. What do you get when you mix and a goat and a sheep? A geep.
14. What's meaner than taking candy from a baby? Throwing the baby off a cliff.
15. Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.
16. A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs. The surgeon replied, “I know. I amputated your arms.”
17. Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
18. What Do You Call a Fat Hobo? Whatever his name is.
19. I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but she did move to California in 1849.
20. You know you're a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
21. What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
22. Why are there no Jewish people on Uranus? The nature of the planet does not sustain human life.
23. What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall over if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.
24. What Do You Call a Bakery That Pregnant Women Go To? A bakery.
25. What do you call a pigeon that can’t find its way back home? A pigeon.
26. Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? It's very tastefully furnished.
27. You're Momma's So Fat That They're Extremely Concerned About Her Health
28. I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
29. What Do You Call an Old Man Who's Just Been Stabbed? An ambulance.
30. Wanna Hear a Word I Just Made Up? Plagiarism.

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