Top 100 Antijokes
Welcome to the top 100 antijokes.
The Top 100 Antijokes List
These are the top 100 Antijokes for 2024.
1. I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger… But she did move to California in 1849.2. Bob: Hey Jim, if you were a caveman, you would die. Jim: Why? Bob: Because everybody dies.
3. Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? Do you know why that is? Because there are more geese in that line.
4. Roses are red, Violets are blue, But roses can also be white, And violets should be purple.
5. Knock, knock I wonder who is at the door. I hope they know a good joke, since levity in important in this cruel life. You have to smile sometimes.
6. Where was the Constitution signed? The bottom.
7. Why Did Ronald McDonald's Wife Leave Him The marriage was bad.
8. What did little Timmy want for Christmas? Parents.
9. What did the fried rice say to the shrimp? Nothing. Rice can’t talk.
10. Because unaccustomed to the terrain, he got lost and succumbed to the elements.
11. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, Why the long face? The horse says, Evolution.
12. If there are 3 apples, and Johnny takes away 3 of them, how many apples does Johnny have? None, because Johnny got hit by a train.
13. What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn't know each other.
14. How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They're a very efficient people.
15. What do you call a joke that isn't funny? A sentence.
16. Why did Jordan stay home from the party? He wasn’t invited…
17. What Do You Call a Person Who Has No Friends? Lonely.
18. What Do You Call the Person That Graduated at the Bottom of Their Class in Medical School? Doctor.
19. Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
20. What’s the difference between a rabbit and a grape? They’re both purple, except the rabbit isn’t.
21. Why Couldn't Jane Swing on the Swing Set? Her mom said no.
22. How Do You Drop an Egg on a Concrete Floor Without Breaking It?
23. What’s the Difference Between an Elephant and a Matter Baby? What’s a Matter Baby?
24. What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn't know each other.
25. What do you call a medical student that graduated last in their class? Doctor.
26. What Has a Head and Tail but No Legs or Feet? A snake, stupid.
27. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.
28. Friends are Like Horses. If You Kill Them, They Die.
29. What has 9 legs, 4 feet and is orange? Nothing.
30. How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
31. If a Duck Didn't Quack What Noise Would It Make? It would be silent.
32. What's the Difference Between an Apple and an Orange? They're different fruits.
33. Why Did the Toilet Paper Roll Down the Hill? Because of gravity.
34. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them is a police officer.
35. Why Did the Fisherman Become Friends with the Farmer? They were both respectable people and shared similar interests.
36. What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
37. What Do You Call the Person That Graduated at the Bottom of Their Class in Medical School? Doctor.
38. Friends Are Like Wings... I don't have them.
39. Why do flamingos stand on one leg? If they lifted up the other one they’d fall over.
40. What do you call a fish with no eyes? It doesn’t even matter.
41. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
42. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.
43. What do you call a medical student that graduated last in their class? Doctor.
44. What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a musician? A tattoo.
45. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.
46. Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
47. Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
48. What's orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
49. Where was the Constitution signed? The bottom.
50. Why Did the Cow Say When Its Tail Caught on Fire? Moo.
51. A guy walks into a bar… Then he gets a drink and leaves.
52. Why can't Michael Jackson play table tennis? Because he's dead.
53. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
54. What Did Batman Say to Robin Before They Got in the Batmobile? Get in the car.
55. A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and is destroying his family.
56. A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs. The surgeon replied, “I know. I amputated your arms.”
57. My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. She doesn't have a headphone jack.
58. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
59. What Do You Call a Tree Without a Coat A tree.
60. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
61. If a Duck Didn't Quack What Noise Would It Make? It would be silent.
62. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
63. What's the Difference Between Donald Trump and Apples? Everything.
64. How is a bar of soap the same as your dreams? They’re both amazing at slipping away.
65. Why Did the Dog Go for a Walk? He needed to pee.
66. Why Isn't Helen Keller a Good Driver? Because she's dead.
67. What Do You Get when You Cross a Knock-knock Joke with a Rhetorical Question?
68. Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
69. You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
70. I was diagnosed with clinical depression the other day. Which made me sad.
71. How Do You Drop an Egg on a Concrete Floor Without Breaking It?
72. I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
73. What is Red and Farts? Any person wearing red.
74. What Did Darth Vader Say to Anakin? Nothing. Darth Vader doesn't speak to himself.
75. You know what's really odd? Numbers that aren't divisible by two.
76. Did You Hear the One About the Cheese That Wrote Poetry? Neither did I.
77. How tall is the Empire State Building? One Empire State Building tall.
78. Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them they disappear.
79. Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
80. Why Didn't the Dog Go to the School Dance? Because it was a pet-free school.
81. What is the Difference Between an Elephant and a Postbox? If you don't know, I'm not sending you to mail a letter.
82. Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
83. How Do You Drop an Egg on a Concrete Floor Without Breaking It? By dropping it gently, as the impact tends to be less than the expected force required to break an egg's shell.
84. What's the Difference Between Glue, Tuna, and a Piano? Glue is a school supply. Tuna is an animal. Pianos are instruments. Lots of differences.
85. How Do You Wake Up Lady Gaga? Set an alarm to a reasonable hour.
86. What Did the Farmer Say When He Lost His Tractor? Where's my tractor?
87. Why Did the Dog Bite the Blonde? Because it was an aggressive dog.
88. Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
89. Can You Jump Higher than a Mountain? Everyone can jump higher than a mountain. Mountains can't jump.
90. My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. She doesn't have a headphone jack.
91. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
92. Do you know why everyone is afraid to come to my house? It’s haunted.
93. What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.
94. What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands? Probably still Santa Claus, however he doesn’t exist so it doesn’t really matter.
95. A proton walks into a bar. No one noticed it because protons are tiny and everywhere.
96. What Do a Cat and Mount Everest Have in Common? Both are part of this joke.
97. What did the man say when he lost his truck? Where’s my truck?
98. What's the Difference Between Glue, Tuna, and a Piano? Glue is a school supply. Tuna is an animal. Pianos are instruments. Lots of differences.
99. What's funny about five people in a Chevy Suburban driving off a cliff? Nothing. They were my friends.
100. Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
Generator more Antijokes
Need more Antijokes? Generate more with the AntiJoke Generator.
Share your Favourite Top 100 Antijokes in the comments below: