Top 100 Dad Jokes
Welcome to the top 100 dad jokes.
The Top 100 Dad Jokes List
These are the top 100 Dad Jokes for 2024.
1. Dad jokes that actually made us giggle2. Student: "No, it's January."
3. What's a tornado's favorite game? Twister!
4. Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
5. I told my girlfriend she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
6. What kind of shape may have been knighted? Cir-cles.
7. What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
8. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
9. What do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
10. Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, Hello from the other side!
11. 5/4 of people admit that they're bad with fractions.
12. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
13. Teacher: "It's 'may.'"
14. I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.
15. What do you call a shoe made of a banana? A slipper!
16. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
17. Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
18. Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it!
19. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
20. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
21. What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to? Plymouth rock.
22. Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
23. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
24. How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
25. A magician was walking down the street � then he turned into a store.
26. 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs.
27. Why was the belt sent to jail? For holding up a pair of pants!
28. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing�they fast.
29. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.
30. I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.
31. Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.
32. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!
33. What did one Dorito farmer say to the other? Cool Ranch!
34. My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end, but I just don't see the point.
35. If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
36. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
37. Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock.
38. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
39. I have a clean conscious�it's never been used.
40. What sound does a witch's car make? Broom broom!
41. What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
42. What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!
43. Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
44. My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean. I don't know why she's mad at me.
45. What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
46. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
47. When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, "No, I'd rather drink it out of the carton!"
48. Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery? Because it didn't habanero.
49. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
50. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
51. What did the caretaker say when they jumped out of the store cupboard? Supplies!
52. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
53. Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
54. I'm reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it down!
55. When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
56. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it!
57. A friend of mine doesn't pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
58. Air used to be free at the gas station, now it's $1.50. You know why?
59. I sold my vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust.
60. Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
61. After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.
62. I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns!
63. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.
64. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it!
65. Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
66. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
67. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
68. My friend wants to become an archaeologist, but I'm trying to put him off. I'm convinced his life will be in ruins.
69. What is the tallest building in the world? The library�it's got the most stories.
70. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
71. I tell dad jokes but I have no kids��¦I'm a faux pa!
72. What country's capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.
73. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make this interesting." So we stopped playing chess.
74. How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
75. Shouldn't the roof of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
76. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
77. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
78. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
79. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y!
80. You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there? European.
81. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
82. A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.
83. What's a bad wizard's favorite computer program? Spell-check.
84. I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.
85. The pony couldn't sing because it was a little horse.
86. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
87. What do you call 50 pigs and 50 deer? 100 sows and bucks.
88. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
89. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
90. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
91. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
92. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
93. The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
94. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
95. I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.
96. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
97. Why was the broom late to class? It over-swept.
98. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
99. Dogs can't operate MRI machines but catscan.
100. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It's a little fishy.
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