Top 50 Antijokes

Welcome to the top 50 antijokes.

The Top 50 Antijokes List

These are the top 50 Antijokes for 2024.

1. What Do You Call the Person That Graduated at the Bottom of Their Class in Medical School? Doctor.
2. - A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs. The surgeon replied, “I know. I amputated your arms.”
3. What Do You Get when You Throw a Green Rock into the Red Sea? A wet rock.
4. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.
5. What Do You Call a Peanut That Isn't a Nut? A peanut. (It's a legume.)
6. What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
7. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it… Then my illegal logging company is a success.
8. Why Did the Firman Wear Red Suspenders? To keep his pants up.
9. How does the white-tail deer jump higher than the average house? This is due to their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can't jump.
10. What Do You Call a Man with a Shovel in His Head? An ambulance.
11. What did the five fingers say to the face? Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
12. What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
13. Because unaccustomed to the terrain, he got lost and succumbed to the elements.
14. What do you get when you mix and a goat and a sheep? A geep.
15. How do you empty a pool full of Canadians? Politely but firmly tell them, "Get out of the pool, please!"
16. Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? Do you know why that is? Because there are more geese in that line.
17. What Did Darth Vader Say to Anakin? Nothing. Darth Vader doesn't speak to himself.
18. What's meaner than taking candy from a baby? Throwing the baby off a cliff.
19. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
20. What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
21. What's the Difference Between Ignorance and Apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
22. What Happens when You Cross and Elephant with a Poodle? Nothing. They can't breed.
23. What Do Cats and Refrigerators Have in Common? Neither one is a banana.
24. Why Was the Lone Ranger Buried on the Side of the Hill? Because he was dead.
25. I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
26. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
27. Don't you hate it when you're reading a sentence and it doesn't end how you testicles.
28. Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
29. I accused my husband of being too immature. Then he told me to get out of his fort.
30. What Happens when You Cross and Elephant with a Poodle? Nothing. They can't breed.
31. When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill is what made us afraid of the light.
32. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.
33. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
34. I still remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
35. What Do You Get when You Throw a Green Rock into the Red Sea? A wet rock.
36. By dropping it gently, as the impact tends to be less than the expected force required to break an egg's shell.
37. What do you call a medical student that graduated last in their class? Doctor.
38. Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
39. Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
40. How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
41. Yo mama is so old. You should probably start looking for a nursing home.
42. How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
43. What's yellow and is something you shouldn't drink? A school bus.
44. What did the man say when he lost his truck? Where’s my truck?
45. You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
46. How Do You Drop an Egg on a Concrete Floor Without Breaking It? By dropping it gently, as the impact tends to be less than the expected force required to break an egg's shell.
47. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
48. What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
49. Because unaccustomed to the terrain, he got lost and succumbed to the elements.
50. Why are there no Jewish people on Uranus? The nature of the planet does not sustain human life.

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