Top 50 It Jokes
Welcome to the top 50 it jokes.
The Top 50 It Jokes List
These are the top 50 It Jokes for 2024.
1. Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug. Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. Woltman's Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time. Gallois' Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.2. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None – It's a hardware problem
3. What do you call a developer that doesn't comment code? A developer.
4. Comedy Code is syntactically correct programming code written just for fun. The code doesn't actually have to do anything if it's executed, but it should look like regular code.
5. Why do the stories written by C programmers drag on forever? Because they can't write closures.
6. Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well," says God, "let us see if Jesus has fared any better." Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows… Jesus saves."
7. Software Development Cycles Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…
8. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None – It's a hardware problem
9. Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.
10. A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.
11. Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well," says God, "let us see if Jesus has fared any better." Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows Jesus saves."
12. OK guys. Any idea how to make women more interested in us? C++: More exceptions? Python: Define our methods? ANSI-C: Stop treating them like objects?
13. Software Development Cycles Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…
14. Why do most C++ programmers stop after one child? Because multiple inheritance is a headache.
15. Why do Haskel programmers avoid most medicines? Because they have side-effects
16. There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke.
17. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space
18. Redneck Computer Terms LOG ON: Makin' a woodstove hot. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood. MONITOR: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove. DOWNLOAD: Gittin' the farwood off the truck. MEGA HERTZ: When you're not keerfull gittin' the farwood. FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood. HARD DRIVE: Gittin' home in the winter time. WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside. SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's black fly season. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag. MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps. KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn. MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine. ENTER: Northerner talk fer, "C'mon in, y'all." CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun. DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don't far when you pull the trigger. REBOOT: Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kitty's still outside.
19. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space
20. Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.
21. "An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, liquor store, brewery, alcohol, beer, whiskey, vodka"
22. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space
23. There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.
24. Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.
25. Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.
26. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
27. Why computers are like men: In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model. Why computers are like women: No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
28. Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.
29. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space
30. Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.
31. A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" To which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."
32. A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a photo-safari in Africa. They drive out into the savannah in their jeep, stop and scour the horizon with their binoculars. The biologist: "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle: a white zebra! It's fantastic! There are white zebras! We'll be famous!" The statistician: "It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra" The mathematician: "Actually, we know there exists a zebra which is white on one side" The computer scientist: "Oh no! A special case!"
33. An engineer, a physicist and a programmer are flying around in a Cessna when suddenly the engine fails. The plane struggles to maintain altitude. They think they will die in a fiery crash when they notice an open field. They glide and make an emergency landing. The engineer says, "I'll go check the engine and see what's wrong" The physicist gets up and says, "There is no need for that. We can look at thrust, drag, lift, acceleration, wind speed, friction, heat and a couple of other parameters and figure out why the engine failed." At this point, the programmer gets up, looks at the other two like they're morons and says, " Guys, it might not even be a real issue. Why don't we fly it again and see if it's reproduceable?
34. Why do Haskel programmers avoid most medicines? Because they have side-effects
35. From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary: Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
36. Funny Error Messages
37. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space
38. Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?" "Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."
39. A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"* "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
40. Knock knock. Who's there? Broken state machine. Broken state machine, who? Knock knock.
41. Why do Haskel programmers avoid most medicines? Because they have side-effects
42. Funny Error Messages
43. Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.
44. There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.
45. Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.
46. Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?" The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu" "Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
47. If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
48. From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary: Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
49. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space
50. Why do the stories written by C programmers drag on forever? Because they can't write closures.
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