Red Dwarf Quote Generator

1.  [Lister's old girlfriend has turned up from a parallel dimension] Kryten: [to Lister] We've lost sight of Miss Kochanski's ship, sir. And we're fast running out of time. Lister: Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Kryten: No sir, I don't believe it is. Lister: Why? Don't you like her? Kryten: I'm a mere mechanoid, sir. It's hardly my place to point out what a bossy old trollop she is. - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)

2.  Rimmer: [explaining a lateral thinking question.] 'It's 1971, a Swedish man crashes into a tree, what causes the accident?' There's nothing medical, nothing wrong with the car. Lister: [deadpan.] Riiiight, so, um, this Swedish guy drives into a tree, what caused the accident.... Answer's in the back, right? Rimmer: Right. Lister: [milking it.] Well... That's a really hard one, that. I mean, probably gotta be pretty damn smart to get a question like that right. You know what, I'm gonna go for a moose. Rimmer: A moose?! [scoffs.] Lister: Yeah, it was in the road, he swerved to avoid the moose. Rimmer: [checking.] Are you insane? That's never gonna be - it's a moose. Lister: [wandering out.] Sometimes life is good. Kryten: Ah, sir, you asked me to remind you, it's ten minutes til your exam- Rimmer: Kryten, lateral thinking question, just got it myself. It's 1971, a Swedish man drives into a tree, what causes the accident? Kryten: Well, it's a moose, sir, he swerves and hits a tree. Rimmer: Is it me? How did you get that? Cat: Get what? Rimmmer: I've got something for you. A lateral thinking question. Cat: A lottery what? Rimmer: Ahhh, I knew I could rely on you. What caused this accident? Cat: [alert.] What accident? Rimmer: No, no. It's a question, alright? Are you ready? It's 1971, a man- Cat: Was he Swedish? Rimmer: ... Yes? Cat: A moose! [Rimmer sags in resignation.] It was a moose! He swerved to avoid it, and hit a tree! Oh, and the moose is on the road, by the way - not in the car driving. Oww! Yea-ah! [dances out of the room.] Oww! Yea-ah! - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)

3.  Kryten: He's an android. His brain couldn't handle the concept of there being no silicon heaven. Lister: So how come yours can? Kryten: Because I knew something he didn't. Lister: What? Kryten: I knew I was lying. No silicon heaven? Preposterous! Where would all the calculators go? - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)

4.  Cat: Look what it did to me! It's turned me into Duane Dibbley - the Duke of Dork. - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)

5.  Holly: Jean-Paul Sartre said Hell was being locked forever in a room with your friends. Lister: Holly, all his mates were French! - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)

6.  Cat: [through a megaphone while on roller skates] Hello, hello, testing, testing, one one one, me me me! Attention all lady cats! I am feeling very very sexy! Can you hear me, lady cats? My body is available! - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)

7.  Cat: Forget Red - let's go all the way up to Brown Alert! Kryten: There's no such thing as a Brown Alert, sir. Cat: You won't be saying that in a minute! And don't say I didn't alert you! - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)

8.  Lister Jr: What the smeg? Lister Sr: Don't swear! - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)

9.  Cat: Come on, man, you gotta sacrifice your life. I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't do. Rimmer: You? You'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew? Cat: No! I'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew. - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)

10.  [Lister's old girlfriend has turned up from a parallel dimension] Kryten: [to Lister] We've lost sight of Miss Kochanski's ship, sir. And we're fast running out of time. Lister: Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Kryten: No sir, I don't believe it is. Lister: Why? Don't you like her? Kryten: I'm a mere mechanoid, sir. It's hardly my place to point out what a bossy old trollop she is. - Grant/Naylor (Red Dwarf)