Top 100 Antijokes

Welcome to the top 100 antijokes.

The Top 100 Antijokes List

These are the top 100 Antijokes for 2024.

1. Why Do Kangaroos Jump? Because that's how they evolved.
2. What's More Dangerous than Running with Scissors? Falling on them.
3. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
4. What's Batman's favorite fruit? BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA grapefruit
5. What do you call a pencil sharpener that can't sharpen pencils? Broken.
6. Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.
7. What Do You Call a Pimp Dinosaur? Nothing. They are dead.
8. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
9. My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. She doesn't have a headphone jack.
10. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
11. I still remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
12. What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.
13. My friend thought that an onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face.
14. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
15. What do you get when you mix and a goat and a sheep? A geep.
16. Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was in a hurry.
17. How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
18. Why Was Six Afraid of Seven? Because prison changes people.
19. Why is a laser beam like a goldfish? Because neither one can whistle.
20. hat is Green, Has Six Legs, and Would Kill You if It Fell out of a Tree? A pool table.
21. What's the difference between a parking lot and an aquarium? One is a place for cars to park and one is a place to see fish.
22. What Do You Call a Blonde on the Moon? An astronaut.
23. What Do Monkeys Eat for Breakfast? Not cake.
24. What Do You Call an Old Man Who's Just Been Stabbed? An ambulance.
25. By dropping it gently, as the impact tends to be less than the expected force required to break an egg's shell.
26. What did the five fingers say to the face? Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
27. Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers are not inherently fearful.
28. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them is a police officer.
29. How is a laseam beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
30. What do you call a fish with no eyes? It doesn’t even matter.
31. What Do You Call a Fly with No Wings? Still a fly—the irony is unfortunate.
32. What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
33. What Did the Farmer Say When He Lost His Tractor? Where's my tractor?
34. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.
35. Why Was the Lone Ranger Buried on the Side of the Hill? Because he was dead.
36. What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? "We're both lawyers!"
37. What Did One Japanese Man Say to Another? I don't know, I don't speak Japanese. Why Can't the Blonde Call His Friends? Because his parents say he's to young to have a phone.
38. How Do You Confuse an Idiot? With a difficult mental task.
39. Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
40. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
41. What's the Difference Between Ignorance and Apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
42. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
43. Why Can't Donald Trump Draw a Perfect Circle? Because it is impossible for a human to draw a perfect circle.
44. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you positive?"
45. An Irishman Walked out of a Bar
46. What’s green, red, orange, purple, blue and yellow? Colors.
47. What Happens when You Cross and Elephant with a Poodle? Nothing. They can't breed.
48. An Irishman Walked out of a Bar
49. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
50. What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The absence of eyes doesn't change the species.
51. What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.
52. What's funny about five people in a Chevy Suburban driving off a cliff? Nothing. They were my friends.
53. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
54. Why are hamsters like cigarettes? They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
55. What Can You Sit On, Sleep On, and Brush Your Teeth With? A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.
56. What Did the Farmer Say When He Lost His Tractor? Where's my tractor?
57. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you positive?"
58. What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
59. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
60. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
61. What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?
62. What Do Vampires and Zombies Have in Common? Neither one of them is real.
63. Want to hear something that will make you smile? Your facial muscles.
64. I talk to myself because sometimes I just need advice.
65. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
66. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
67. Yo momma’s so fat, we are all extremely concerned for her health.
68. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
69. What Do You Call a Talking Turtle? Fictional.
70. What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
71. Yo momma’s so fat, we are all extremely concerned for her health.
72. How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
73. Did You Hear About the Race Between the Lettuce and the Tomato? No.
74. What did little Timmy want for Christmas? Parents.
75. Why Did the Fisherman Become Friends with the Farmer? They were both respectable people and shared similar interests.
76. How Do You Get a Nun Pregnant? Same way as anyone else.
77. Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
78. What Do You Call a Pimp Dinosaur? Nothing. They are dead.
79. Yo Mama's So Old She might die soon.
80. How do you empty a pool full of Canadians? Politely but firmly tell them, "Get out of the pool, please!"
81. Why Did the Neurosurgeon Catch the Train? He didn't want to walk to work.
82. What’s the Difference Between 36.9802 and 14.6327? 22.3475
83. What did little Timmy want for Christmas? Parents.
84. What Do You Call a Talking Turtle? Fictional.
85. What Do You Call a Blind Cow? A blind cow.
86. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.
87. What is Red and Farts? Any person wearing red.
88. By dropping it gently, as the impact tends to be less than the expected force required to break an egg's shell.
89. You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
90. Because unaccustomed to the terrain, he got lost and succumbed to the elements.
91. Two Fish Are in a Tank One turns to the other and asks, How do you drive this thing? Then the fish die due to lack of water.
92. What do you call a medical student that graduated last in their class? Doctor.
93. Why Does a Fish Have Scales? Because they are born with them.
94. Friends Are Like Wings... I don't have them.
95. Mary had a little lamb… The doctor fainted.
96. What did the man say when he lost his truck? Where’s my truck?
97. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
98. What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? "We're both lawyers!"
99. Why did the mushroom go to the party? It didn't. Do you know why? Because it's a fucking mushroom.
100. My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. She doesn't have a headphone jack.

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