Top 100 Antijokes
Welcome to the top 100 antijokes.
The Top 100 Antijokes List
These are the top 100 Antijokes for 2024.
1. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.2. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
3. Friends are Like Horses. If You Kill Them, They Die.
4. What Do You Call a Tree Without a Coat A tree.
5. A guy walks into a bar… Then he gets a drink and leaves.
6. What's the Difference Between an Apple and an Orange? They're different fruits.
7. What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
8. What's meaner than taking candy from a baby? Throwing the baby off a cliff.
9. What Do Vampires and Zombies Have in Common? Neither one of them is real.
10. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
11. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
12. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
13. What Do You Call a Cross Between a Cat and a Fox? A monstrosity.
14. What's orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
15. What Do You Call a Cow Without Any Legs? Sad.
16. What Did the Shoe Say to the Sock? Nothing. Neither are sentient.
17. Last Christmas, I Gave You My Heart. And the Very Next Day......I died because no one can live without a heart.
18. What Has a Head and Tail but No Legs or Feet? A snake, stupid.
19. Why Can't You Hear a Dinosaur Go to the Bathroom? The dinosaurs are all dead.
20. What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? "We're both lawyers!"
21. What Did the Worm Say to the Snail? Nothing, neither worms nor snails can talk.
22. What Do You Call a Tree Without a Coat A tree.
23. What's the Difference Between Ignorance and Apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
24. How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
25. What Do You Call Nachos Without Cheese? Tortilla chips
26. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your caramel apple. They usually cost more.
27. Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
28. Why Did the Blonde Undercook the Chicken? Because she's blind.
29. What Do You Call Darth Vader with a Cape? Darth Vader
30. What Do a Banana and a Helicopter Have in Common? Neither of them is a police officer.
31. Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
32. I still remember my Grandpa's last words before he kicked the bucket. He said, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
33. Why did the waiter put rubber bands in the soup? Because he wasn't a very good waiter.
34. Why are hamsters like cigarettes? They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
35. How Do You Confuse an Idiot? With a difficult mental task.
36. Did You Hear the One About the Cheese That Wrote Poetry? Neither did I.
37. What did the man say when he lost his truck? Where’s my truck?
38. Yo mama's so fat… She should be concerned because diabetes is a serious health issue.
39. A Roman Walks into a Bar and Holds Up Two Fingers He says, I'll take five beers, please.
40. Do you know why I look like I can’t hear you? Because I can’t, my headphones are on.
41. Bob: Hey Jim, if you were a caveman, you would die. Jim: Why? Bob: Because everybody dies.
42. How Do You Tell Time in Chicago? You look at a clock.
43. What do you call a baby with no arms and no legs lying on a wall? Art.
44. How Do You Drop an Egg on a Concrete Floor Without Breaking It? By dropping it gently, as the impact tends to be less than the expected force required to break an egg's shell.
45. What Did Darth Vader Say to Anakin? Nothing. Darth Vader doesn't speak to himself.
46. By dropping it gently, as the impact tends to be less than the expected force required to break an egg's shell.
47. What Did One Japanese Man Say to Another? I don't know, I don't speak Japanese. Why Can't the Blonde Call His Friends? Because his parents say he's to young to have a phone.
48. You know you're a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
49. Why Can't You Hear a Dinosaur Go to the Bathroom? The dinosaurs are all dead.
50. What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The absence of eyes doesn't change the species.
51. Knock Knock, Who's There? John. John Who? It's just John.
52. What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo? This ain't my first rodeo!
53. Why Did the Blonde Undercook the Chicken? Because she's blind.
54. What Did the German Man Say to the German Woman? Hallo, wie geht es dir?
55. I’d never tell you a pizza joke. It’s way too cheesy.
56. What Do You Call a Baby with a Tiger? Bad parenting.
57. Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
58. Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? It's very tastefully furnished.
59. Take Your Age and Add Five That's how old you'll be in five years.
60. By dropping it gently, as the impact tends to be less than the expected force required to break an egg's shell.
61. Why are hamsters like cigarettes? They’re completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
62. I talk to myself because sometimes I just need advice.
63. Can You Jump Higher than a Mountain? Everyone can jump higher than a mountain. Mountains can't jump.
64. How does the white-tail deer jump higher than the average house? This is due to their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can't jump.
65. What has 9 legs, 4 feet and is orange? Nothing.
66. Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains. That's the least of your worries. You're HIV positive.
67. What Do You Get when You Throw a Green Rock into the Red Sea? A wet rock.
68. What's the Difference Between the Number 9 and the Number 6? Three.
69. Why Was the Cat Scared of the Cucumber? Because cats are scared of cucumbers.
70. You know what's really odd? Numbers that aren't divisible by two.
71. My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”
72. What did one woman say to the other woman next to the coffee machine? Coffee looks good.
73. Why Didn't the Dog Go to the School Dance? Because it was a pet-free school.
74. What Do You Call a Fish with No Eyes? Blind.
75. What's the Difference Between Tuna, a Piano, and Glue? You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
76. Wanna Hear a Word I Just Made Up? Plagiarism.
77. I Was Wondering Why That Frisbee Was Getting Bigger, and then It Hit Me.
78. Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains. That's the least of your worries. You're HIV positive.
79. What's the Difference Between a Millennial and a Baby Boomer? Their age.
80. I talk to myself because sometimes I just need advice.
81. A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs. The surgeon replied, “I know. I amputated your arms.”
82. What do you call a pigeon that can’t find its way back home? A pigeon.
83. Roses are red, Violets are blue, But roses can also be white, And violets should be purple.
84. What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall over if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.
85. You know what they say? Words.
86. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
87. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
88. Why is a laser beam like a goldfish? Because neither one can whistle.
89. Two Fish Are in a Tank One turns to the other and asks, How do you drive this thing? Then the fish die due to lack of water.
90. Do you want to know what always makes me smile? Face muscles.
91. Why did Jordan stay home from the party? He wasn’t invited…
92. What Do You Call a Tree Without a Coat A tree.
93. Roses are red, Violets are blue, But roses can also be white, And violets should be purple.
94. How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
95. Why Can't Dinosaurs Clap? Because they are dead.
96. Why Do Kangaroos Jump? Because that's how they evolved.
97. What Do You Call a Fat Hobo? Whatever his name is.
98. Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them they disappear.
99. What Do You Call Darth Vader with a Cape? Darth Vader
100. What is a Word That Starts with W.
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