Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes
Welcome to the top 100 chuck norris jokes.
It's hard not to laugh when you see a list of jokes about the venerable martial artist. His infamous karate training has spawned some of the funniest internet memes. While it is impossible to avoid a joke involving Chuck Norris, it's funnier to share it with your friends. So here's a list of some of the funniest ones!
These Chuck Norris quotes and jokes are a popular way to tell people about this charismatic martial artist. One of the funniest jokes is when Chuck Norris walks away from a fight with two broken ribs. Another funny one involves him microwaving food into his pants. In a video game, he can roundhouse kick the fifth Uzi into the air!
One of the most popular Chuck Norris facts is that the actor can hear Braille. Once, he bit a cobra and the snake died five days later. He has other amazing abilities, including the ability to kill two birds with one stone. He can also read sign language and is able to hear ants with a magnifying glass. Of course, he can't kill anyone in real life, but he can still punch them in the eye.
If you're looking for a fun way to make your friends laugh, you should check out this list of 100 Chuck Norris Jokes. This will help you make your friends laugh! It is a great way to get your friends laughing. And who doesn't love a good punch line? This list contains a huge amount of funny Chuck Norris quotes! These quotes are apt for all occasions and will have you giggling in no time.
The Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes List
These are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes for 2024.
1. Chuck Norris beats rock, paper, scissors. Cannon balls, tanks, super destroyers, exploding stars — I could go on.2. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
3. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
4. On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down 'Violence' as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
5. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
6. Chuck Norris walked into chemistry class and ripped the Periodic Table of Elements off of the wall. Why? Because the only element Chuck Norris needs is the element of surprise.
7. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
8. Chuck Norris' character is called Walker because he never needs to run and enjoys the building fear as he walks after his prey.
9. Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
10. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
11. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
12. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
13. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
14. Chuck Norris was an atheist until he realized that he was God. This was the only 'ahha' moment he ever had.
15. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors.
16. Chuck Norris is able to slam a revolving door.
17. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it’s beef.
18. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
19. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
20. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
21. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
22. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
23. Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird.
24. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
25. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
26. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
27. Tornados don't exist, Chuck Norris just really doesn't like trailer parks.
28. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
29. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
30. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
31. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity more than once.
32. Aliens are real. They are just hiding from Chuck Norris.
33. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
34. Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 100 men, after that the grenade exploded.
35. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
36. A computer company once invented a Chuck Norris operative system. Unfortunately it was a failure, since it ONLY obeyed orders that involved killing, drinking, or women.
37. Chuck Norris appeared in the 'Street Fighter II' video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this 'glitch,' Norris replied, 'That's no glitch.'
38. When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant, the waiter tips him.
39. Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
40. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
41. Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver. And wins.
42. Chuck Norris is the reason that Wally is always hiding.
43. Money doesn't grow on trees. Unless, that is, Chuck Norris buries a quarter.
44. Bowling is actually a sport derived from when Chuck Norris accidentally roundhouse kicked himself in the testicles and one broke free. In a fit of rage he threw it at a nearby forest creating our modern logging industry as well.
45. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
46. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
47. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
48. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
49. The Loch Ness Monster claims to have seen Chuck Norris.
50. Chuck norris breathes air ... 9 times a day.
51. In an interview for Times Chuck Norris was asked what he thought about all the Chuck Norris Jokes circulating around. He simply replied that they weren't jokes then went back to his daily routine of drinking a mug of nails.
52. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
53. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
54. Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
55. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
56. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
57. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
58. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
59. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
60. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
61. The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives.
62. Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
63. Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.
64. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
65. Chuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest with superman. I'm not going to say who won, but the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside for the rest of his life.
66. Chuck Norris is able to make other people walk in his sleep.
67. When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant, the waiter tips him.
68. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
69. Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.
70. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
71. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
72. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
73. Chuck Norris can crack a walnut with his eyelids.
74. Chuck Norris doesn't hit on women, he says 'Now.'
75. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors.
76. When Chuck once roundhouse kicked a coal mine and turned it into a diamond mine.
77. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once ...ONCE.
78. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
79. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
80. There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.
81. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
82. Chuck Norris got a divorce and was asked to give half his assets and property away. Chuck Norris proceeded to chop the entire universe in half with his bare hands.
83. Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
84. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
85. Chuck Norris once split a man in by giving him a wedgie
86. Chuck Norris wrote half of these facts, he likes his fans to be informed.
87. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
88. Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
89. Chuck Norris once punched a hurricane in the eye.
90. Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling tournament, with both arms tied behind his back.
91. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
92. When Christopher Columbus discovered America, he was greeted by Chuck Norris.
93. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
94. Chuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest with superman. I'm not going to say who won, but the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside for the rest of his life.
95. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
96. Chuck Norris eats his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns and dragons.
97. The sun has to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris glances at it.
98. Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains.
99. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
100. When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get in shape.
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