Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes

Welcome to the top 100 chuck norris jokes.

It's hard not to laugh when you see a list of jokes about the venerable martial artist. His infamous karate training has spawned some of the funniest internet memes. While it is impossible to avoid a joke involving Chuck Norris, it's funnier to share it with your friends. So here's a list of some of the funniest ones!

These Chuck Norris quotes and jokes are a popular way to tell people about this charismatic martial artist. One of the funniest jokes is when Chuck Norris walks away from a fight with two broken ribs. Another funny one involves him microwaving food into his pants. In a video game, he can roundhouse kick the fifth Uzi into the air!

One of the most popular Chuck Norris facts is that the actor can hear Braille. Once, he bit a cobra and the snake died five days later. He has other amazing abilities, including the ability to kill two birds with one stone. He can also read sign language and is able to hear ants with a magnifying glass. Of course, he can't kill anyone in real life, but he can still punch them in the eye.

If you're looking for a fun way to make your friends laugh, you should check out this list of 100 Chuck Norris Jokes. This will help you make your friends laugh! It is a great way to get your friends laughing. And who doesn't love a good punch line? This list contains a huge amount of funny Chuck Norris quotes! These quotes are apt for all occasions and will have you giggling in no time.

The Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes List

These are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes for 2024.

1. Chuck Norris has a diary, it is called the Guinness Book Of World Records.
2. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
3. Chuck Norris invented death just so he could kill people.
4. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
5. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
6. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
7. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
8. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
9. Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
10. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
11. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
12. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
13. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he didn't want to make a documentary.
14. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
15. Someone once challenged Chuck Norris to arm wrestle... that person is now known as Captain Hook.
16. When Chuck Norris was born, he drove his Mother home from the hospital.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it.
18. Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you die.
19. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
20. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
21. Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you die.
22. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
23. Chuck Norris once flipped a coin, it still has not landed.
24. Chuck Norris' beard is the Seventh Wonder of the Ancient World. It destroyed the Hanging Gardens of Babylon and took its rightful place.
25. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
26. When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
27. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with an AK-47 and won.
28. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
29. Chuck Norris does not need a passport. Chuck Norris exists in all 24 time zones simultaneously.
30. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
31. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
32. Chuck Norris once spun a ball on his finger, to this day planet earth continues to turn.
33. WARNING: Emails w/ attatchments from Chuck Norris should be unopened and deleted. It may contain a deadly computer virus titled Delta Force v.2.0 This virus actually Roundhouse kick the computer right in the motherboard.
34. There isn''t a theory of evolution, just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live.
35. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
36. Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
37. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people.
38. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
39. On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
40. Chuck Norris is the reason that Wally is always hiding.
41. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
42. Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company, the company field tested it and it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.
43. On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down 'Violence' as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
44. Chuck Norris beats rock, paper, scissors. Cannon balls, tanks, super destroyers, exploding stars — I could go on.
45. Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
46. When Chuck Norris drops the soap in prison, he picks it up successfully.
47. Chuck Norris can pull a wheelie when riding a unicycle.
48. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
49. Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
50. The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
51. On the 7th day, God rested ... Chuck Norris took over.
52. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
53. There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
54. Chuck Norris is able to start a fire using an extinguisher.
55. According to the Geneva Convention, it is considered a war crime to use Chuck Norris.
56. When Chuck Norris was a child at school, his teachers would raise their hands in order to talk to him.
57. The crossing lights in Chuck Norris' home town say 'Die slowly' and 'Die quickly'. They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
58. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
59. Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
60. When Chuck Norris crosses the road, vehicles look both ways.
61. Chuck Norris has never hit another man in a fight. Chuck Norris has also never lost a fight. He simply points to his foot and the opponent lays down.
62. On New Year’s Eve, Chuck Norris promised that he’d lose 20 pounds. The next morning he shaved his chest and smiled as he realized that he’d lost 30.
63. Chuck Norris is able to sketch your portrait using an eraser.
64. On Chuck Norris's birthday, the stars realign themselves to write him a birthday message.
65. Chuck Norris wears a fanny pack and everyone else looks gay.
66. In the Beggining there was nothing ... then Chuck Norris round-house kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
67. When Chuck Norris gets in a car crash the air bags do not save Chuck Norris, they save the car.
68. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
69. When Chuck Norris uses the internet he can skip ads whenever he wants, ads are not able to skip Chuck Norris.
70. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
71. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
72. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once ...ONCE.
73. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
74. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
75. Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
76. Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
77. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
78. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
79. Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
80. Chuck Norris makes a lot of money selling his urine, it is called Red Bull.
81. Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
82. Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' a**. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
83. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
84. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
85. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
86. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
87. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
88. Chuck Norris thinks of the Laws of Physics as 'friendly suggestions.'
89. Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
90. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants today are known as giraffes.
91. When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
92. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
93. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
94. Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a round room
95. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
96. Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
97. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
98. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
99. There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.
100. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

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