Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes

Welcome to the top 100 chuck norris jokes.

It's hard not to laugh when you see a list of jokes about the venerable martial artist. His infamous karate training has spawned some of the funniest internet memes. While it is impossible to avoid a joke involving Chuck Norris, it's funnier to share it with your friends. So here's a list of some of the funniest ones!

These Chuck Norris quotes and jokes are a popular way to tell people about this charismatic martial artist. One of the funniest jokes is when Chuck Norris walks away from a fight with two broken ribs. Another funny one involves him microwaving food into his pants. In a video game, he can roundhouse kick the fifth Uzi into the air!

One of the most popular Chuck Norris facts is that the actor can hear Braille. Once, he bit a cobra and the snake died five days later. He has other amazing abilities, including the ability to kill two birds with one stone. He can also read sign language and is able to hear ants with a magnifying glass. Of course, he can't kill anyone in real life, but he can still punch them in the eye.

If you're looking for a fun way to make your friends laugh, you should check out this list of 100 Chuck Norris Jokes. This will help you make your friends laugh! It is a great way to get your friends laughing. And who doesn't love a good punch line? This list contains a huge amount of funny Chuck Norris quotes! These quotes are apt for all occasions and will have you giggling in no time.

The Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes List

These are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes for 2024.

1. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
2. Chuck Norris eats his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns and dragons.
3. Thou shalt not kill. Chuck Norris exists for this purpose.
4. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
5. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
6. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
7. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
8. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
9. When Chuck Norris's parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.
10. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't knock a girl up he knocks her down.
12. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
13. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
14. Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
15. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
16. Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird.
17. Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
18. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
19. Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down.
20. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cord less phone.
21. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
22. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
23. Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
24. According to the Geneva Convention, it is considered a war crime to use Chuck Norris.
25. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it’s beef.
26. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
27. Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains.
28. Chuck Norris does not have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he wants.
29. Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
30. Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra and after five days of excruciating pain… the cobra died.
31. Chuck Norris once punched a hurricane in the eye.
32. The sun has to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris glances at it.
33. Chuck Norris doesn't strike gold, gold is the byproduct of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking rocks.
34. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
35. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
36. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it’s beef.
37. Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
38. Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
39. Aliens are real. They are just hiding from Chuck Norris.
40. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
41. Chuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. And after a week of excruciating pain, the snake died.
42. Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
43. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
44. Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win. Everytime.
45. Once Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, now they are just called the Islands
46. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
47. Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
48. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
49. Chuck said, 'Say Please.'
50. Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
51. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
52. Bigfoot claims he once saw Chuck Norris.
53. The sun has to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris glances at it.
54. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
55. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
56. When Chuck Norris was born the doctor asked him to name his parents.
57. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
58. When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant, the waiter tips him.
59. Chuck Norris has the most beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt your brain with joy.
60. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
61. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
62. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
63. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cord less phone.
64. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
65. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
66. Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
67. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
68. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
69. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
70. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
71. Chuck Norris declined an invitation to join MENSA because he would have to lower his mental level.
72. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
73. M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
74. When Christopher Columbus discovered America, he was greeted by Chuck Norris.
75. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
76. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
77. When Chuck Norris enters a building that is on fire, the Chuck Norris alarm rings.
78. Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
79. At the start of every summer, Chuck Norris begins practicing his roundhouse kicks outside. We know this as hurricane season.
80. Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, 'Now.'
81. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
82. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
83. Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.
84. Chuck Norris is able to recycle toxic waste.
85. When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant, the waiter tips him.
86. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
87. When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant, the waiter tips him.
88. Chuck Norris was camping once and needed to releive himself so he dug a hole. You might know it as the Grand Canyon.
89. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then it exploded.
90. Chuck Norris once shattered the space-time continuum. He felt so bad, he put it back together.
91. Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
92. Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains.
93. A Chuck Norris-delivered roundhouse kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
94. Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
95. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
96. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
97. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
98. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
99. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
100. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

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