Top 100 Dad Jokes
Welcome to the top 100 dad jokes.
The Top 100 Dad Jokes List
These are the top 100 Dad Jokes for 2024.
1. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.2. Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
3. I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help!
4. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
5. My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean. I don't know why she's mad at me.
6. Why was the hockey player gifted a new cap? He was known for his hat tricks.
7. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
8. Why are pigs so bad at sports? They always hog the ball.
9. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make this interesting." So we stopped playing chess.
10. Every night, I have hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.
11. What's the most patriotic sport? Flag football.
12. I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, "Mark, my words!"
13. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
14. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
15. Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they're out of pasta, and we're penneless.
16. I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.
17. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don't serve food here.â€
18. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
19. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
20. I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
21. What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!
22. I have a scary joke about math, but I'm 2² to say it.
23. What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
24. How was the handsome runner described? “Dashing.â€
25. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
26. Most people can't tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can't find the words for how much this bugs me.
27. Where do boats go when they're sick? To the boat doc.
28. I have a joke about drilling, but it's boring.
29. How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
30. Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.
31. Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
32. Why do vampires seem sick? They're always coffin.
33. What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey!
34. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
35. Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
36. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
37. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
38. Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
39. What is Marco's favorite clothing store? Polo.
40. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
41. I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
42. Which bathroom appliance would be the worst life preserver? The sink.
43. I begin to read a horror novel in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.
44. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
45. I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
46. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
47. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
48. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
49. How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
50. I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming.
51. Most people can't tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can't find the words for how much this bugs me.
52. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!
53. What did the dryer say to the boring duvet cover that just got out of the washer? “Don't be such a wet blanket.â€
54. Can February March? No, but April May.
55. Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
56. I have a joke about hunting for fossils, but you probably wouldn't dig it.
57. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
58. My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean. I don't know why she's mad at me.
59. I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs.
60. Dad jokes that actually made us giggle
61. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
62. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
63. Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
64. What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.
65. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
66. Related: What to Write in a Father's Day Card
67. Why do pumpkins sit on porches? They have no hands to knock on the door.
68. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
69. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!
70. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
71. What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.
72. I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden but how am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?
73. Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
74. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
75. I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole destroying!
76. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
77. Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a groan up.
78. I just don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
79. What's a writer's favorite train station? Penn Station.
80. I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad!
81. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
82. What was Sherlock Holmes' favorite protein source? Mystery meat.
83. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
84. What was Sherlock Holmes' favorite protein source? Mystery meat.
85. What's a writer's favorite train station? Penn Station.
86. I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.
87. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
88. I got a hen to regularly count her own eggs. She's a real mathamachicken!
89. Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas.
90. When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, "No, I'd rather drink it out of the carton!"
91. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
92. I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
93. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
94. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
95. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
96. If the early bird gets the worm, I'll sleep in until there's pancakes.
97. Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it!
98. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
99. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
100. I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
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