Top 100 Dad Jokes

Welcome to the top 100 dad jokes.

The Top 100 Dad Jokes List

These are the top 100 Dad Jokes for 2025.

1. I've been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it's better than sitting around doing nothing.
2. I have a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy.
3. Mom, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? No sun.
4. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
5. What do you lawyers like to drink? Subpoena Coladas.
6. I don't trust those trees. They look awfully shady.
7. I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
8. What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You're under a vest.
9. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I'm going on ahead.
10. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!
11. I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
12. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
13. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house��¦ but the kids still get in.
14. Son: Dad, I'm hungry. Dad: Hi hungry, I'm Dad.
15. What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.
16. What's a sea monster's favorite lunch? Fish and ships.
17. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
18. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
19. Why was the gossip disliked at the coffee shop? She always spilled the tea.
20. Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn't press your luck.
21. Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it!
22. I got a hen to regularly count her own eggs. She's a real mathamachicken!
23. Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks.
24. Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they'd crack each other up.
25. How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
26. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
27. What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain.
28. How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
29. Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken.
30. I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
31. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
32. What is the most ground-breaking invention? A shovel.
33. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
34. What's black and white and goes around and around? A penguin in a revolving door.
35. What's ET short for? Because he's only got tiny legs!
36. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
37. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!
38. Why did the physicist cross the road? To measure the chicken's acceleration.
39. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
40. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
41. The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this!
42. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
43. I told my girlfriend she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
44. Did you hear about the famous pickle? He's a really big dill.
45. What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office.
46. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house��¦ but the kids still get in.
47. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
48. The other day I was attacked by a bunch of circus clowns in a parking lot. I won though, cause I went right for the juggler.
49. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
50. I have a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy.
51. What rhymes with boo and stinks? You!
52. How do you get over claustrophobia? By thinking outside of the box.
53. What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pa.
54. How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
55. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
56. Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, That's a novel concept.
57. I'm reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it down!
58. Do you want to hear a potassium joke? K.
59. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bagels.
60. What's green with six legs and will crush you if it falls on you? A pool table.
61. Did you hear about the outlet who got in a fight with the power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
62. I'm so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes closed.
63. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator!
64. Did the photon need to check a bag? Nope, he was traveling light.
65. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
66. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
67. I tried to make up a joke about ghost but I couldn't. It had plenty of spirit but no body.
68. I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins � I couldn't differentiate between them.
69. What made the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
70. Why did the firefighter wear red suspenders? To keep his pants up.
71. Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
72. My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall to her. I said maybe��¦
73. How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
74. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!
75. I'm reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it down!
76. I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.
77. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house��¦ but the kids still get in.
78. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
79. I have a joke about trickle-down economics, but 99% of you will never get it.
80. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
81. Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
82. Did you hear about the actor who broke his leg onstage? He's still in the cast.
83. What did one hat say to the other? "Stay here, I'm going on ahead!"
84. What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.
85. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
86. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
87. I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
88. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? Miraculously, he woke up.
89. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
90. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
91. I hate Velcro. It's a rip off.
92. Why does a geologist hate his job? He's taken for granite.
93. I bet Benjamin Franklin was SHOCKED when he discovered electricity.
94. Dad jokes that actually made us giggle
95. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
96. What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.
97. What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.
98. Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.
99. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
100. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.

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