Top 100 Dad Jokes

Welcome to the top 100 dad jokes.

The Top 100 Dad Jokes List

These are the top 100 Dad Jokes for 2024.

1. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
2. How do you help a frog when his car dies? You give him a jump.
3. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two��¦
4. Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
5. What does a hungry octopus eat? Ink-tober.
6. What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
7. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
8. What rock group has four men who don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
9. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
10. Why did the mushroom go to the party alone? Because he's a fungi.
11. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
12. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
13. How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
14. Why did the Rolling Stones stop making music? Because they got to bottom of the hill.
15. Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space, does that make him an Australien?
16. I sold my vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust.
17. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An Investigator.
18. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
19. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
20. What does garlic do when it gets hot? It takes its cloves off.
21. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.
22. Why do ducks have so many tail feathers? To cover up their butt quacks.
23. What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
24. How do you make Budweiser? Send him to school.
25. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
26. What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
27. What does the cell say to his sister when she steps on his toe? "Oh my toe sis!"
28. What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.
29. What do scholars eat when they're hungry? Academia nuts.
30. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
31. What did one Dorito farmer say to the other? Cool Ranch!
32. What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
33. How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.
34. What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
35. I don't trust stairs. They are always up to something.
36. Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
37. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
38. The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
39. I don't really call for funerals that start before noon. I guess I'm just not a mourning person!
40. What did one plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me.
41. What did one hat say to the other? "Stay here, I'm going on ahead!"
42. Why was the belt sent to jail? For holding up a pair of pants!
43. Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.
44. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
45. What was Forrest Gump's email password? 1forest1.
46. Why did the pony ask for a glass of water? Because it was a little horse.
47. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
48. I have a joke about trickle-down economics, but 99% of you will never get it.
49. Why did the eggs all break? Because they cracked each other up.
50. What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear.
51. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
52. Can February March? No, but April May!
53. If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?
54. What does Rockin' Robin do when she's bored? Tweet.
55. Why is no one friends with Dracula? He's a pain in the neck.
56. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
57. How do you help a frog when his car dies? You give him a jump.
58. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?!
59. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.
60. When can you tell a joke has become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
61. 6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down.
62. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
63. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no word to describe how angry I am.
64. I told my friend that she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
65. If the early bird gets the worm, I'll sleep in until there's pancakes.
66. What starts with an O and ends with nions and sometimes make you cry? Opinions.
67. I have a joke about butter, but I'm not going to spread it.
68. I searched for a lighter on Amazon, all I could find was 401 matches��¦
69. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
70. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
71. My son screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
72. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
73. Why did the cost of free air at gas stations go up? Inflation.
74. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
75. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
76. How does a snowman get around? By riding an "icicle."
77. I had a date last night and it was perfect. Tomorrow, I'll have a fig.
78. Cooking out this weekend? Don't forget the pickle. It's kind of a big dill.
79. What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
80. What kind of room has no doors or windows? A mushroom.
81. Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
82. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
83. I'm starting a new dating service in Prague. It's called Czech-Mate.
84. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
85. What do mermaids use to wash their fins? Tide.
86. What do you call someone who won't stick to a diet? A desserter.
87. How do cows stay up to date with current events? They read the moos-paper.
88. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
89. How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
90. Which U.S. state is known for its especially small soft drinks? Minnesota.
91. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.
92. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
93. What weighs a lot forward but not backward? A ton.
94. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
95. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
96. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
97. I like telling Dad jokes�sometimes he laughs.
98. I have a great joke about nepotism. But I'll only tell it to my kids.
99. What animals are the best to call if you get locked out of your house? Monkeys.
100. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.

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