Top 100 Dad Jokes

Welcome to the top 100 dad jokes.

The Top 100 Dad Jokes List

These are the top 100 Dad Jokes for 2024.

1. Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
2. I wanted to eat a watch for lunch, but it was too time-consuming.
3. Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.
4. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
5. My son screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me...
6. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, just a little wine.
7. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.
8. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
9. What did Microsoft Office say to earn your trust? You have my Word.
10. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food here."
11. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
12. The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
13. Why did the lobster blush? Because it saw the ocean's bottom!
14. I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.
15. Why do vampires seem sick? They're always coffin.
16. My dog used to chase people on a scooter a lot. It got so bad we had to take his scooter away.
17. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
18. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.
19. Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
20. What key is used to open bananas? A mon-key.
21. Why did the physicist cross the road? To measure the chicken's acceleration.
22. I searched for a lighter on Amazon, all I could find was 401 matches��¦
23. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
24. What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest!
25. Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
26. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.
27. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
28. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
29. What kind of fish do penguins catch at night? Star fish.
30. What concert would cost only 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
31. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
32. What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain.
33. I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
34. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
35. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
36. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
37. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
38. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
39. Why was it so windy in the stadium? There were a bunch of fans.
40. How do you make Budweiser? Send him to school.
41. I have a clean conscious�it's never been used.
42. How can you tell it's a dogwood tree? By the bark.
43. How does a hurricane see? With one eye.
44. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
45. How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.
46. Who is the queen of school supplies? The ruler.
47. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
48. What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze? The sta-tues.
49. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
50. I didn't get a haircut, I got them all cut.
51. What's the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
52. I just don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
53. My father didn't like my beard at first. But it grew on him.
54. I tell dad jokes, but I don't have any kids. I'm a faux pa.
55. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
56. Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
57. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
58. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
59. Why are you so afraid, calendar? My days are numbered.
60. What do you call a shoe made of a banana? A slipper!
61. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
62. Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock.
63. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
64. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
65. I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
66. Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in front of everyone.
67. Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They always drop their needles.
68. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
69. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
70. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
71. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two��¦
72. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
73. Why is sausage bad for you? It brings out the Wurst in people.
74. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
75. What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.
76. Why did the God of Thunder stretch a lot when he was little? He was a little Thor.
77. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A lamborghini.
78. My dog used to chase people on a scooter a lot. It got so bad we had to take his scooter away.
79. Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
80. We all know about Murphy's Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole's Law? It's thinly sliced cabbage.
81. One of my favorite memories as a kid was when my brothers used to put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill. They were Goodyears!
82. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
83. I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.
84. How do you talk to a giant? You use big words!
85. I just don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
86. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
87. What's a writer's favorite train station? Penn Station.
88. What country's capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.
89. Did you see my new chocolate lawn mower? It's pretty sweet.
90. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
91. Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
92. Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!
93. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.
94. What did the police officer say to her belly button? You're under a vest!
95. Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie.
96. Do you think glass coffins will be a success? Remains to be seen.
97. I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.
98. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
99. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
100. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

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