Top 100 Jokes

Welcome to the top 100 jokes.

The Top 100 Jokes List

These are the top 100 Jokes for 2024.

1. Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

He was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
3. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
4. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
5. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
6. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field!
7. A man goes to his doctor

"Doc, you gotta help me. I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat." "Oh, that sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome," said the doctor. "Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that rare?" "It's not unusual."
8. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired!
9. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
10. How did the astronaut serve their coffee? In flying saucers!
11. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
12. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
13. A swimming coach was holding trials for his new team.

When a man with no arms walks in and demands a trial.The Coach looked a little skeptical, but not wanting to discriminate, he agreed.The no-armed man dived into the pool and began to kick his legs furiously, motoring down the length of the pool at a tremendous rate, and records the quickest time of the day.The Coach is impressed, and makes no delay in adding the armless man to his team.Coincidentally, the very next man has arms, but is missing his legs.The Coach is nervous about letting such a physically challenged man into his trial, but reluctantly agreed.The no-legged man drags himself into the pool and proceeds to spin his arms so fast, he looked a blur, completing the trial even faster than the armless man.With a huge smile on his face, the Coach adds the legless man to the team, when he hears a voice behind him."Oy! Wot bout me mate?"The Coach spins around, yet sees no-one, looking down, he is surprised to see a man who is just a head, staring back up at him."Carn Bruv!" Exclaimed the head, "Drop us in the pool, i'll blitz all these uvver wankers!"After the previous two participants, the Coach is excited to see what what amazing time the head will be able to record. He picks up the head, drops him in the pool, and the head promptly sinks to the bottom.The Coach waits patiently, yet the head doesn't move.A minute later...The head hasn't moved, a small stream of bubbles float up to the surface.After another minute, the Coach has become worried, grabs a pool scoop and retrieves the head to the edge of the pool.Coughing and spluttering, the head recovers quickly."What happened?!!" asked the Coach, "Can't you swim?"With a look of indignation, the head glared up at him and exclaimed,"I pulled a muscle!"
14. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!
15. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
16. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
17. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
18. How does a penguin make pancakes? With its flippers!
19. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up!
20. Why couldn't the bicycle find its way back home? Someone stole its act!
21. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
22. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
23. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
24. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
25. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
26. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
27. Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel!
28. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
29. What is very big, gray, and just doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.
30. A sadist walks up to a masochist...

The masochist says "hurt me". The sadist says "no".
31. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
32. How does a penguin make pancakes? With its flippers!
33. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
34. What do you call a woman with boobs on her back?

I don't know, but she would sure be fun to dance with.
35. "What do you call a fish wearing a crown? Shellfish."
36. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field!
37. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
38. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
39. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
40. How does a penguin make pancakes? With its flippers!
41. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
42. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
43. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
44. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
45. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
46. An impasta!
47. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
48. Why did the donkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't a chicken!
49. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
50. An impasta!
51. What did one wall say to the other wall? "I'll meet you at the corner!"
52. Knock, knock. Who's there? Cow says. - Cow says who? Cow says mooooo!
53. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
54. How do you organize a space party? You planet!
55. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
56. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
57. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
58. What did one plate say to the other plate? Tonight, dinner's on me!
59. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
60. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
61. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up!
62. Why was the obtuse angle so upset? Because he was never right!
63. Charlie Chaplin called

I couldn't hear him though.
64. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
65. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
66. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field!
67. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
68. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
69. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
70. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!
71. What did one wall say to the other wall? "I'll meet you at the corner!"
72. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
73. How does a penguin make pancakes? With its flippers!
74. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
75. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field!
76. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
77. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
78. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
79. What did one plate say to the other plate? Tonight, dinner's on me!
80. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
81. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!
82. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
83. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
84. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up!
85. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
86. How does a penguin make pancakes? With its flippers!
87. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
88. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
89. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
90. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
91. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!
92. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
93. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
94. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!
95. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
96. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
97. How does a penguin make pancakes? With its flippers!
98. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
99. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
100. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

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