Top 100 Marriage Jokes

Welcome to the top 100 marriage jokes.

The Top 100 Marriage Jokes List

These are the top 100 Marriage Jokes for 2024.

1. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
2. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
3. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
4. Why did the married couple go to the seafood restaurant? They heard it was a great plaice for a date!
5. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce.
6. Why did the husband bring a ladder to the wedding? Because he heard the cake was going to be tiered!
7. "Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce."
8. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
9. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes, about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
10. Marriage is all about compromise. I’ll make the coffee, and you can decide how you want it—cold or burnt!
11. Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. Everyone orders what they want, but when the bill comes, you all have to split it evenly.
12. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
13. "Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce."
14. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
15. Marriage is all about compromise. I’ll make the coffee, and you can decide how you want it—cold or burnt!
16. Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. Everyone orders what they want, but when the bill comes, you all have to split it evenly.
17. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
18. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
19. "Why did the married couple go to the seafood restaurant? They heard it was a great plaice for a date!"
20. Why did the couple bring a ladder to their marriage? Because they heard the wedding vows were a high commitment!
21. Marriage is all about compromise. I’ll make the coffee, and you can decide how you want it—cold or burnt!
22. Why did the husband bring a ladder to the wedding? Because he heard the cake was going to be tiered!
23. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
24. Marriage is all about compromise. Like learning to say you're sorry when you know you're right.
25. Marriage is all about compromise. I’ll make the coffee, and you can decide how you want it—cold or burnt!
26. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like a marriage.
27. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
28. "Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce."
29. Why did the couple bring a ladder to their marriage? Because they heard the wedding vows were a high commitment!
30. Marriage is all about compromise. Like learning to say you're sorry when you know you're right.
31. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
32. Why did the husband bring a ladder to the wedding? Because he heard the cake was going to be tiered!
33. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce.
34. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes, about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
35. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes, about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
36. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
37. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like a marriage.
38. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
39. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
40. Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. Everyone orders what they want, but when the bill comes, you all have to split it evenly.
41. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
42. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce.
43. Why did the married couple go to the seafood restaurant? They heard it was a great plaice for a date!
44. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
45. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
46. Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue with their spouse if they’re dead!
47. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes, about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
48. Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue with their spouse if they’re dead!
49. Why did the bride always carry a pencil on her wedding day? Because she wanted to draw a happy marriage!
50. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
51. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug!
52. Why did the married man bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
53. Why do married people live longer? Because they can't argue with their spouse if they're dead!
54. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
55. If a man opens a car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
56. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
57. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
58. Why did the bride always carry a pencil on her wedding day? Because she wanted to draw a happy marriage!
59. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce.
60. "Why did the married couple go to the seafood restaurant? They heard it was a great plaice for a date! "
61. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
62. Why did the husband bring a ladder to the wedding? Because he heard the cake was going to be tiered!
63. Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor's degree and a woman gains her master's.
64. Why did the married couple go to the seafood restaurant? They heard it was a great plaice for a date!
65. Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. Everyone orders what they want, but when the bill comes, you all have to split it evenly.
66. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
67. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
68. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
69. Why do married people live longer? Because they can't argue with their spouse if they're dead!
70. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce.
71. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce.
72. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce.
73. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
74. How do you know when you've found your soulmate? When they understand your need for sleep more than they understand your need for conversation.
75. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
76. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
77. Why did the couple bring a ladder to their marriage? Because they heard the wedding vows were a high commitment!
78. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
79. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce.
80. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
81. Marriage is all about compromise. Like learning to say you're sorry when you know you're right.
82. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
83. Why did the husband bring a ladder to the wedding? Because he heard the cake was going to be tiered!
84. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug!
85. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
86. Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor's degree and a woman gains her master's.
87. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes, about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
88. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
89. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, just like a marriage.
90. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
91. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
92. "Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce."
93. Marriage is all about compromise. I’ll make the coffee, and you can decide how you want it—cold or burnt!
94. "Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets for his divorce."
95. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
96. Why do married people live longer? Because they can't argue with their spouse if they're dead!
97. Why did the married couple go to the seafood restaurant? They heard it was a great plaice for a date!
98. Why did the couple bring a ladder to their marriage? Because they heard the wedding vows were a high commitment!
99. Why did the husband bring a ladder to the wedding? Because he heard the cake was going to be tiered!
100. Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. Everyone orders what they want, but when the bill comes, you all have to split it evenly.

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