Top 100 Uncle Jokes

Welcome to the top 100 uncle jokes. .

The Top 100 Uncle Jokes List

These are the top 100 Uncle Jokes for 2024.

1. Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants and took things too far.
2. Why don�t some couples go to the gym? Because they�re burning calories in the bedroom.
3. Why don�t some people eat snails? Because they�re too slow to keep up with the appetite in bed.
4. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one�and needed a clean pair after celebrating with the cart girl.
5. Why don�t some couples go to the gym? Because they�re burning calories in the bedroom.
6. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one�and needed a clean pair after celebrating with the cart girl.
7. Why don�t eggs tell jokes? Because they crack up too easily�and they�ve got a reputation to uphold in the fridge.
8. What�s the best part about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
9. Why don�t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they�re too busy hiding something else�like their peanuts.
10. Why don�t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny�and no one likes to get their face paint smeared.
11. Why don�t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe�and they�re too busy hooking up in the produce aisle.
12. Why don�t oysters donate to charity? Because they�re shellfish�and they�ve got a pearl of a secret they�re hiding.
13. What�s the best thing about Switzerland? I don�t know, but the flag is a big plus�and so is the chocolate after a night in Zurich.
14. Why did the stadium get hot? All the fans left�and the players started scoring in the locker room.
15. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef�and a vegetarian�s worst nightmare.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing�and it wasn�t ready for that kind of exposure.
17. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems�and none of them were solved in bed.
18. What�s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
19. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies�and then he mopped the floor with his dance moves.
20. Why don�t oysters donate to charity? Because they�re shellfish�and they�ve got a pearl of a secret they�re hiding.
21. Why don�t skeletons fight each other? Because they don�t have the guts�and they�re too busy chilling in the closet with your uncle�s secrets.
22. Why don�t some couples go to the gym? Because they�re burning calories in the bedroom.
23. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh�and it still can�t see that you�re the catch of the day.
24. Why don�t oysters donate to charity? Because they�re shellfish�and they�ve got a pearl of a secret they�re hiding.
25. Why don�t you play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak�and they�ve got a rock-hard alibi.
26. Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants and took things too far.
27. Why did the stadium get hot? All the fans left�and the players started scoring in the locker room.
28. Why don�t you play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak�and they�ve got a rock-hard alibi.
29. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef�and a vegetarian�s worst nightmare.
30. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies�and then he mopped the floor with his dance moves.
31. Why don�t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they�re too busy hiding something else�like their peanuts.
32. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn�t peeling well�and things were getting a little too ripe in the bedroom.
33. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh�and it still can�t see that you�re the catch of the day.
34. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef�and a vegetarian�s worst nightmare.
35. Why don�t oysters donate to charity? Because they�re shellfish�and they�ve got a pearl of a secret they�re hiding.
36. Why did the coffee run away? It needed a break from being ground down every morning
37. Why don�t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they�re too busy hiding something else�like their peanuts.
38. Why don�t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they�re too busy hiding something else�like their peanuts.
39. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field�and he knew how to keep the skeletons buried.
40. What�s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can�t tuna fish�but you can definitely tune out that noise in the bedroom.
41. Why don�t eggs tell jokes? Because they crack up too easily�and they�ve got a reputation to uphold in the fridge.
42. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies�and then he mopped the floor with his dance moves.
43. Why don�t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe�and they�re too busy hooking up in the produce aisle.
44. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh�and it still can�t see that you�re the catch of the day.
45. What�s long, hard, and full of seamen? A submarine, obviously�get your mind out of the gutter.
46. Why don�t you play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs�and they�re all dealing from the bottom of the deck.
47. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh�and it still can�t see that you�re the catch of the day.
48. Why don�t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they�re too busy hiding something else�like their peanuts.
49. Why don�t oysters donate to charity? Because they�re shellfish�and they�ve got a pearl of a secret they�re hiding.
50. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
51. What�s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
52. Why don�t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe�and they�re too busy hooking up in the produce aisle.
53. Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants and took things too far.
54. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies�and then he mopped the floor with his dance moves.
55. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
56. Why don�t you play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak�and they�ve got a rock-hard alibi.
57. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing�and it wasn�t ready for that kind of exposure.
58. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems�and none of them were solved in bed.
59. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn�t peeling well�and things were getting a little too ripe in the bedroom.
60. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems�and none of them were solved in bed.
61. Why don�t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny�and no one likes to get their face paint smeared.
62. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh�and it still can�t see that you�re the catch of the day.
63. Why don�t you play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak�and they�ve got a rock-hard alibi.
64. How do you make a hormone? Don�t pay her.
65. Why don�t you play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs�and they�re all dealing from the bottom of the deck.
66. Why don�t you play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs�and they�re all dealing from the bottom of the deck.
67. What do you call a man who can�t stand? Neil.
68. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks�and it was tired of being cooped up.
69. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef�and a vegetarian�s worst nightmare.
70. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one�and needed a clean pair after celebrating with the cart girl.
71. Why don�t you play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs�and they�re all dealing from the bottom of the deck.
72. Why did the coffee run away? It needed a break from being ground down every morning
73. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged�and it was by a latte that wasn�t even half-caf.
74. Why don�t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they�re too busy hiding something else�like their peanuts.
75. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks�and it was tired of being cooped up.
76. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn�t peeling well�and things were getting a little too ripe in the bedroom.
77. Why don�t eggs tell jokes? Because they crack up too easily�and they�ve got a reputation to uphold in the fridge.
78. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing�and it wasn�t ready for that kind of exposure.
79. What�s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot�unless it�s been marinated in something stronger.
80. Why don�t oysters donate to charity? Because they�re shellfish�and they�ve got a pearl of a secret they�re hiding.
81. Why did the coffee run away? It needed a break from being ground down every morning
82. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems�and none of them were solved in bed.
83. Why don�t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they�re too busy hiding something else�like their peanuts.
84. What�s the best thing about Switzerland? I don�t know, but the flag is a big plus�and so is the chocolate after a night in Zurich.
85. Why don�t some people eat snails? Because they�re too slow to keep up with the appetite in bed.
86. Why don�t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny�and no one likes to get their face paint smeared.
87. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear�and he�s sweeter than your last Tinder date.
88. Why don�t skeletons fight each other? Because they don�t have the guts�and they�re too busy chilling in the closet with your uncle�s secrets.
89. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? He was outstanding in his field�and he knew how to keep his hands clean.
90. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
91. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets�and ended up with a smoothie that tastes like bad investments.
92. Why don�t you play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs�and they�re all dealing from the bottom of the deck.
93. Why don�t you play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak�and they�ve got a rock-hard alibi.
94. Why don�t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they�re too busy hiding something else�like their peanuts.
95. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef�and a vegetarian�s worst nightmare.
96. Why don�t eggs tell jokes? Because they crack up too easily�and they�ve got a reputation to uphold in the fridge.
97. What�s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot�unless it�s been marinated in something stronger.
98. Why don�t oysters donate to charity? Because they�re shellfish�and they�ve got a pearl of a secret they�re hiding.
99. Why don�t some people eat snails? Because they�re too slow to keep up with the appetite in bed.
100. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets�and ended up with a smoothie that tastes like bad investments.

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