Top 20 It Jokes

Welcome to the top 20 it jokes.

The Top 20 It Jokes List

These are the top 20 It Jokes for 2024.

1. A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" To which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."
2. An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, liquor store, brewery, alcohol, beer, whiskey, vodka
3. A man walks into a pet shop and sees 3 monkeys, each in a cage, each with a computer. The man is curious and walks up to the clerk and asks - what is the story with the moneys? "They are programming monkeys - for example this one here can complete 100 lines of C++ in an hour - only 100$" The first monkey was busy typing away, and sure enough it was flawless code. They moved onto the second monkey who was typing even faster. "This monkey knows Java, C++ and helped develop Julia - 1000$ for this one". "What about that last monkey in the biggest cage?" the man asked. "well he is 10000$'s...." "That's must be an amazing monkey! What does he do?", the man asked. "Well, when he was brought in all he did was sit there while the other monkeys worked, so we figured he must be executive management."
4. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
5. A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a photo-safari in Africa. They drive out into the savannah in their jeep, stop and scour the horizon with their binoculars. The biologist: "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle: a white zebra! It's fantastic! There are white zebras! We'll be famous!" The statistician: "It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra" The mathematician: "Actually, we know there exists a zebra which is white on one side" The computer scientist: "Oh no! A special case!"
6. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
7. Comic
8. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook.
9. Funny Error Messages
10. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
11. Java and C were telling jokes. It was C's turn, so he writes something on the wall, points to it and says "Do you get the reference?" But Java didn't.
12. Why do Haskel programmers avoid most medicines? Because they have side-effects
13. A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish." The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, "I'd want peace in the Middle East." The genie responds, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting for millennia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits." The programmer then says, "Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes." At which point the genie responds, "Um, let me see that map again."
14. Redneck Computer Terms LOG ON: Makin' a woodstove hot. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood. MONITOR: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove. DOWNLOAD: Gittin' the farwood off the truck. MEGA HERTZ: When you're not keerfull gittin' the farwood. FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood. HARD DRIVE: Gittin' home in the winter time. WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside. SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's black fly season. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag. MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps. KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn. MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine. ENTER: Northerner talk fer, "C'mon in, y'all." CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun. DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don't far when you pull the trigger. REBOOT: Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kitty's still outside.
15. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
16. Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well," says God, "let us see if Jesus has fared any better." Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows… Jesus saves."
17. Java and C were telling jokes. It was C's turn, so he writes something on the wall, points to it and says "Do you get the reference?" But Java didn't.
18. Laws of Computer Programming Any given program, when running, is obsolete. Any given program costs more and takes longer. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented. Any program will expand to fill available memory. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it. Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug. Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited. Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
19. Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?" "Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."
20. Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.

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