Top 30 It Jokes
Welcome to the top 30 it jokes.
The Top 30 It Jokes List
These are the top 30 It Jokes for 2024.
1. Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.2. Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.
3. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook.
4. An engineer, a physicist and a programmer are flying around in a Cessna when suddenly the engine fails. The plane struggles to maintain altitude. They think they will die in a fiery crash when they notice an open field. They glide and make an emergency landing. The engineer says, "I'll go check the engine and see what's wrong" The physicist gets up and says, "There is no need for that. We can look at thrust, drag, lift, acceleration, wind speed, friction, heat and a couple of other parameters and figure out why the engine failed." At this point, the programmer gets up, looks at the other two like they're morons and says, " Guys, it might not even be a real issue. Why don't we fly it again and see if it's reproduceable?
5. Programming is like sex. Make one mistake and you end up supporting it for the rest of your life.
6. Q: What did the Project Manager say to the Programmer? A: You start coding, I'll go find out what they want.
7. Why do the stories written by C programmers drag on forever? Because they can't write closures.
8. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None – It's a hardware problem
9. A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" To which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."
10. If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
11. Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
12. When is a door not a door? When it's a GenericStaticFurnitureBase
13. "I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…"
14. At a recent computer software engineering management course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer: "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?" Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
15. Why computers are like men: In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model. Why computers are like women: No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
16. Java: OK guys. Any idea how to make women more interested in us? C++: More exceptions? Python: Define our methods? ANSI-C: Stop treating them like objects?
17. There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke.
18. Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug. Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. Woltman's Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time. Gallois' Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.
19. Java and C were telling jokes. It was C's turn, so he writes something on the wall, points to it and says "Do you get the reference?" But Java didn't.
20. A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn't.
21. What do you call a developer that doesn't comment code? A developer.
22. Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?" "Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."
23. Comedy Code is syntactically correct programming code written just for fun. The code doesn't actually have to do anything if it's executed, but it should look like regular code.
24. Java and C were telling jokes. It was C's turn, so he writes something on the wall, points to it and says "Do you get the reference?" But Java didn't.
25. Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well," says God, "let us see if Jesus has fared any better." Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows Jesus saves."
26. Q. How did the programmer die in the shower? A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
27. All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.
28. Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
29. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space
30. There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke.
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