Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes

Welcome to the top 50 chuck norris jokes.

The Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes List

These are the top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes for 2024.

1. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
2. Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
3. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
4. Mission Impossible was originally set in Chuck Norris’s house.
5. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
6. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
7. The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
8. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
9. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
10. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
11. George Lucas couldn't cast Chuck Norris as Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars trilogy.. If he did, it would be only 8 minutes long. 7 of those minutes are for the intros and credits.
12. Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver. And wins.
13. Chuck norris breathes air ... 9 times a day.
14. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
15. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
16. If Chuck Norris was on The Titanic the iceberg would have dodged the ship.
17. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
18. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
19. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
20. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
21. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the face. We know this animal as a giraffe.
22. There were 15,687,516 deaths in world war 2 Chuck Norris is two kills away from the record.
23. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
24. Chuck Norris has a diary, it is called the Guinness Book Of World Records.
25. If Chuck Norris was on The Titanic the iceberg would have dodged the ship.
26. Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a tiger all at once. He won by tying them together with an anaconda.
27. Chuck Norris doesn't pay taxes, taxes pay Chuck Norris.
28. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
29. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
30. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
31. The "Roundhouse kick" name was born when Chuck Norris kicked around an entire house.
32. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
33. The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
34. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
35. Chuck Norris doesn't negotiate with terrorists. The terrorists negotiate with Chuck Norris.
36. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
37. He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris, it’s definitely his last laugh.
38. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
39. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
40. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
41. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
42. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
43. Chuck Norris can drink a whole glass of beer. Yep, even the glass.
44. Chuck Norris got hungry and walked into Burger King. When he walked out, the place was just Burger, and he was the King.
45. A computer company once invented a Chuck Norris operative system. Unfortunately it was a failure, since it ONLY obeyed orders that involved killing, drinking, or women.
46. Whenever Chuck Norris leaves a room the Foo Fighters' "My Hero" starts to play out of nowhere.
47. Chuck Norris once punched a hurricane in the eye.
48. Chuck Norris has to carry a concealed weapons permit when he wears his regular clothes.
49. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
50. Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw and he holds it backwards while doing so.

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