Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes

Welcome to the top 50 chuck norris jokes.

The Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes List

These are the top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes for 2025.

1. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
2. Chuck Norris was asked to fire someone once, that is how hell was invented.
3. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then it exploded.
4. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
5. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
6. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
7. Chuck Norris appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
8. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
9. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
10. Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. Air just hides in his lungs for protection.
12. Chuck Norris was awarded the nobel peace prize, for letting so many people live.
13. Chuck Norris doesn't strike gold, gold is the byproduct of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking rocks.
14. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
15. Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
16. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
17. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
18. Chuck Norris is the reason that Wally is always hiding.
19. Mission Impossible was originally set in Chuck Norris’s house.
20. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
21. Chuck Norris does not have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he wants.
22. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
23. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
24. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
25. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
26. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
27. Chuck Norris won the Tour de France ... on a unicycle.
28. Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. Chuck Norris has 7,483.
29. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
30. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
31. Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'.
32. The Loch Ness Monster claims to have seen Chuck Norris.
33. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters, if by 'knit' you mean kick and by 'sweaters' you mean babies.
34. The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives.
35. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
36. Math was invented by Chuck Norris as a body-count system.
37. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
38. The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
39. Chuck Norris has a diary, it is called the Guinness Book Of World Records.
40. Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains.
41. Jesus may walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
42. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
43. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once ...ONCE.
44. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
45. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
46. Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
47. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
48. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
49. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
50. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

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