Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes

Welcome to the top 50 chuck norris jokes.

The Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes List

These are the top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes for 2024.

1. Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear a watch, he simply decides what time it is.
2. There are no streets named after Chuck Norris because no one would ever cross Chuck Norris
3. Chuck Norris once split a man in by giving him a wedgie
4. Chuck Norris never needs a bullet proof vest. His chest hair is made of kevlar.
5. Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
6. The Earth doesn't rotate, it merely moves in response to Chuck Norris walking on top of it.
7. Bigfoot claims he once saw Chuck Norris.
8. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, 'Two seconds till.' After you ask, 'Two seconds to what?' he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
9. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
10. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
11. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
12. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
13. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
14. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
15. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
16. Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
17. Chuck Norris only once took a dump...that dump is known as Mt. Everest.
18. A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
19. According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the face...YESTERDAY!!
20. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records, it notes that all records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
21. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
22. Chuck Norris once split a man in by giving him a wedgie
23. Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'.
24. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris (So does Jason).
25. Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
26. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
27. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
28. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
29. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
30. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
31. Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
32. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
33. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
34. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
35. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
36. Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.
37. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
38. Chuck Norris doesn't need cause and effect. He is the cause of everything, and the entire universe is just the effect.
39. Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
40. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
41. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters, if by 'knit' you mean kick and by 'sweaters' you mean babies.
42. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
43. Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
44. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
45. Chuck Norris won the Tour de France ... on a unicycle.
46. Chuck Norris won the Tour de France ... on a unicycle.
47. Chuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. And after a week of excruciating pain, the snake died.
48. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
49. Chuck doesn't need to throw out the trash, it always throws itself out.
50. Chuck Norris doesn't negotiate with terrorists. The terrorists negotiate with Chuck Norris.

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