Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes

Welcome to the top 50 chuck norris jokes.

The Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes List

These are the top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes for 2024.

1. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.
2. Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling tournament, with both arms tied behind his back.
3. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
4. When Chuck Norris uses the internet he can skip ads whenever he wants, ads are not able to skip Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't need cause and effect. He is the cause of everything, and the entire universe is just the effect.
7. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
8. Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
9. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
10. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
11. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
12. Chuck Noris had once kicked a giraffe into the mouth of a snake. Since then we call the snake - Brontosaurus.
13. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
14. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
15. Chuck Norris can drink a whole glass of beer. Yep, even the glass.
16. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
17. There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris ... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
18. When Chuck Norris was a child at school, his teachers would raise their hands in order to talk to him.
19. Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver ... and wins.
20. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
21. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
22. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
23. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
24. Chuck Norris can crack a walnut with his eyelids.
25. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
26. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of 'beard'. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
27. Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, the Devil is just too afraid to tell him.
28. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
29. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
30. Chuck Norris once spun a ball on his finger, to this day planet earth continues to turn.
31. Somebody asked Chuck Norris how many press ups he could do, Chuck Norris replied "all of them".
32. Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
33. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
34. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
35. Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
36. When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
37. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
38. Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
39. The crossing lights in Chuck Norris' home town say 'Die slowly' and 'Die quickly'. They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
40. When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
41. Chuck Norris does not need a passport. Chuck Norris exists in all 24 time zones simultaneously.
42. Chuck Noris had once kicked a giraffe into the mouth of a snake. Since then we call the snake - Brontosaurus.
43. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
44. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
45. Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
46. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
47. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.
48. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
49. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
50. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.

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