Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes

Welcome to the top 50 chuck norris jokes.

The Top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes List

These are the top 50 Chuck Norris Jokes for 2025.

1. There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris ... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
2. Chuck Norris makes a lot of money selling his urine, it is called Red Bull.
3. Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down.
4. Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
5. Chuck Norris once ate at Taco Bell and didn’t get diarrhea…
6. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
7. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
8. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
9. If you put your ear next to a seashell you hear the ocean. If you put your ear next to Chuck Norris' boot you hear the opening riff to Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane"
10. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
11. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
12. Chuck Norris' beard is the Seventh Wonder of the Ancient World. It destroyed the Hanging Gardens of Babylon and took its rightful place.
13. Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
14. Chuck Norris named his daughter Mercy. The day she was born was the only day Chuck Norris ever had Mercy.
15. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
16. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
17. Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
18. Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
19. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
20. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
21. Money doesn't grow on trees. Unless, that is, Chuck Norris buries a quarter.
22. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
23. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
24. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
25. Chuck Norris wrote half of these facts, he likes his fans to be informed.
26. If Chuck Norris was on The Titanic the iceberg would have dodged the ship.
27. Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
28. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
29. Chuck Norris eats his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns and dragons.
30. Chuck Norris found the last digit of pi.
31. Chuck Norris doesn't pay taxes, taxes pay Chuck Norris.
32. Chuck Norris can ride a bike with no wheels. But he prefers to fly.
33. Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
34. When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get in shape.
35. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
36. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, 'Bang!'
37. George Lucas couldn't cast Chuck Norris as Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars trilogy.. If he did, it would be only 8 minutes long. 7 of those minutes are for the intros and credits.
38. Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest. With a fish.
39. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
40. Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
41. Chuck Norris was asked to fire someone once, that is how hell was invented.
42. Bowling is actually a sport derived from when Chuck Norris accidentally roundhouse kicked himself in the testicles and one broke free. In a fit of rage he threw it at a nearby forest creating our modern logging industry as well.
43. The sun has to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris glances at it.
44. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
45. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
46. On New Year’s Eve, Chuck Norris promised that he’d lose 20 pounds. The next morning he shaved his chest and smiled as he realized that he’d lost 30.
47. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
48. Chuck Norris is able to sketch your portrait using an eraser.
49. Chuck Norris never needs a bullet proof vest. His chest hair is made of kevlar.
50. A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.

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