Top 50 Dad Jokes

Welcome to the top 50 dad jokes.

The Top 50 Dad Jokes List

These are the top 50 Dad Jokes for 2024.

1. I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
2. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
3. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
4. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
5. What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.
6. What do frogs use to track their exercise? Fit (rib)bits.
7. What kind of people man a haunted ship? A skeleton crew.
8. Why is sausage bad for you? It brings out the Wurst in people.
9. What's brown and sticky? A stick!
10. What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day? You've been on fire!
11. Why is grass so dangerous? Because it's full of blades.
12. I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole destroying!
13. What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
14. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
15. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
16. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
17. Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield? There are too many ears.
18. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
19. Why did the astronaut leave the party? He needed a little space.
20. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing because they fast.
21. What sound does a witch's car make? Broom broom!
22. What do frogs use to track their exercise? Fit (rib)bits.
23. I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
24. Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, "Do you have a favorite song?" The other replies, "Well... all my life I have been a heavy metal fan."
25. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
26. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans!
27. How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
28. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.
29. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
30. When the grocery store clerk asks me if I want the milk in a bag, I always tell him, "No, I'd rather drink it out of the carton!"
31. Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
32. What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.
33. Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They always drop their needles.
34. What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
35. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
36. You are on a horse riding full gallop. Next to you is a giraffe at full gallop, and behind you is a lion on your tail. What do you do? Get off the carousel.
37. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
38. Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states: Solid, liquid, and gas.
39. What starts with an O and ends with nions and sometimes make you cry? Opinions.
40. Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? They just seem a little shady!
41. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
42. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
43. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
44. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
45. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
46. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
47. I've been bored recently, so I decided to take up fencing. The neighbors keep demanding that I put it back.
48. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
49. What do you call a man who can't stand? Neil.
50. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!

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