Top 50 It Jokes
Welcome to the top 50 it jokes.
The Top 50 It Jokes List
These are the top 50 It Jokes for 2024.
1. Why did the Python programmer not respond to the foreign mails he got? Because his interpreter was busy collecting garbage.2. God as a Programmer
3. Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?" The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu" "Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
4. Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well," says God, "let us see if Jesus has fared any better." Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows… Jesus saves."
5. Hey! That's private OK ? The man hesitated for a second looking confused. Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
6. A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
7. Top 10 phrases spoken by a Klingon Programmer A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code! By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die! You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand! Our competitors are without honor! Specifications are for the weak and timid! This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code! Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it! Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are! My program has just dumped Stova Core! Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
8. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
9. A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university. After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman's breast. Woman: Hey! That's private OK ? The man hesitated for a second looking confused. Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
10. Java and C were telling jokes. It was C's turn, so he writes something on the wall, points to it and says "Do you get the reference?" But Java didn't.
11. A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
12. Being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer.
13. A man walks into a pet shop and sees 3 monkeys, each in a cage, each with a computer. The man is curious and walks up to the clerk and asks - what is the story with the moneys? "They are programming monkeys - for example this one here can complete 100 lines of C++ in an hour - only 100$" The first monkey was busy typing away, and sure enough it was flawless code. They moved onto the second monkey who was typing even faster. "This monkey knows Java, C++ and helped develop Julia - 1000$ for this one". "What about that last monkey in the biggest cage?" the man asked. "well he is 10000$'s...." "That's must be an amazing monkey! What does he do?", the man asked. "Well, when he was brought in all he did was sit there while the other monkeys worked, so we figured he must be executive management."
14. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space
15. CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms ISDN: It Still Does Nothing SCSI: System Can't See It MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed DOS: Defunct Operating System WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too PnP: Plug and Pray APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity IBM: I Blame Microsoft MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse. WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
16. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
17. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook.
18. Top 10 phrases spoken by a Klingon Programmer A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code! By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die! You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand! Our competitors are without honor! Specifications are for the weak and timid! This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code! Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it! Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are! My program has just dumped Stova Core! Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
19. Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, "So what'll it be?" The first string says, "I think I'll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu" "Please excuse my friend," the second string says, "He isn't null-terminated."
20. The programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can't find a girlfriend with a good on her , reason 0 being that he has limited cache. So he searches his memory to recall connecting to the TCP/IP tunnel of his last girlfriend — sometimes even without a secure socket. His last girlfriend always complained about his lack of comments. He fumed, "I hate commenting!" Realizing it was a program requirement, he told her she had nice bits. This resulted in a Syntax Error. Now she demanded a massage, but this was rejected as "Feature Creep." He smacked her back-end and shouted, "Who's your parent node?!" He scanned for open ports. He attempted to install a backdoor worm but her response was 403. While his data uploaded into her input device, she considered terminating the process. But instead she initiated a Do While loop where she recalled a previous boyfriend with a larger pointer. To expedite the routine routine, she screamed, "Hack into my system! Hack deep into my system! You're 1337, baby!" This caused his stack to overflow, and he shot his GUI on her interface. (Source)
21. A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, "Can't you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!" To which the man replies, "I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings; we only worry about errors."
22. Why do programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
23. Why do Haskel programmers avoid most medicines? Because they have side-effects
24. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
25. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
26. A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish." The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, "I'd want peace in the Middle East." The genie responds, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting for millennia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits." The programmer then says, "Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes." At which point the genie responds, "Um, let me see that map again."
27. Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well," says God, "let us see if Jesus has fared any better." Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows Jesus saves."
28. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
29. Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.
30. All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.
31. Redneck Computer Terms LOG ON: Makin' a woodstove hot. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood. MONITOR: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove. DOWNLOAD: Gittin' the farwood off the truck. MEGA HERTZ: When you're not keerfull gittin' the farwood. FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much farwood. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood. HARD DRIVE: Gittin' home in the winter time. WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside. SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's black fly season. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag. MODEM: Whutcha do to the hay fields. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps. KEYBOARD: Whar you hang the dang truck keys. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifes. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn. MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine. ENTER: Northerner talk fer, "C'mon in, y'all." CLICK: Whut you hear when you cock your gun. DOUBLE CLICK: When the dang gun don't far when you pull the trigger. REBOOT: Whut you have to do at bedtime when you forgot the kitty's still outside.
32. Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
33. A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish." The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, "I'd want peace in the Middle East." The genie responds, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting for millennia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits." The programmer then says, "Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes." At which point the genie responds, "Um, let me see that map again."
34. Top 10 phrases spoken by a Klingon Programmer A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code! By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die! You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand! Our competitors are without honor! Specifications are for the weak and timid! This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code! Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it! Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are! My program has just dumped Stova Core! Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
35. Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?" "Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."
36. Why did the Python programmer not respond to the foreign mails he got? Because his interpreter was busy collecting garbage.
37. Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.
38. Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug. Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. Woltman's Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time. Gallois' Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.
39. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook.
40. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
41. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
42. Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well," says God, "let us see if Jesus has fared any better." Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows… Jesus saves."
43. those who understand binary and those who don't.
44. An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, liquor store, brewery, alcohol, beer, whiskey, vodka
45. Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
46. Q: What did the Project Manager say to the Programmer? A: You start coding, I'll go find out what they want.
47. Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
48. Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.
49. An SEO expert walks into a bar, pub, liquor store, brewery, alcohol, beer, whiskey, vodka
50. A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
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