Top 50 It Jokes
Welcome to the top 50 it jokes.
The Top 50 It Jokes List
These are the top 50 It Jokes for 2024.
1. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook2. Why do most C++ programmers stop after one child? Because multiple inheritance is a headache.
3. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
4. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook.
5. Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.
6. Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.
7. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
8. Q. How did the programmer die in the shower? A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
9. A manager, a mechanical engineer, and software analyst are driving back from convention through the mountains. Suddenly, as they crest a hill, the brakes on the car go out and they fly careening down the mountain. After scraping against numerous guardrails, they come to a stop in the ditch. Everyone gets out of the car to assess the damage. The manager says, "Let's form a group to collaborate ideas on how we can solve this issue." The mechanical engineer suggests, "We should disassemble the car and analyze each part for failure." The software analyst says, "Let's push it back up the hill and see if it does it again."
10. Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.
11. Q. How did the programmer die in the shower? A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
12. A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
13. Comedy Code is syntactically correct programming code written just for fun. The code doesn't actually have to do anything if it's executed, but it should look like regular code.
14. God as a Programmer
15. Knock knock. Who's there? Broken state machine. Broken state machine, who? Knock knock.
16. those who understand binary and those who don't.
17. Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.
18. A man walks into a pet shop and sees 3 monkeys, each in a cage, each with a computer. The man is curious and walks up to the clerk and asks - what is the story with the moneys? "They are programming monkeys - for example this one here can complete 100 lines of C++ in an hour - only 100$" The first monkey was busy typing away, and sure enough it was flawless code. They moved onto the second monkey who was typing even faster. "This monkey knows Java, C++ and helped develop Julia - 1000$ for this one". "What about that last monkey in the biggest cage?" the man asked. "well he is 10000$'s...." "That's must be an amazing monkey! What does he do?", the man asked. "Well, when he was brought in all he did was sit there while the other monkeys worked, so we figured he must be executive management."
19. Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?" "Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double."
20. A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he's lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone." The man below replies, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"* "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
21. Software Development Cycles Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. Users find 137 new bugs. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…
22. One hundred little bugs in the code One hundred little bugs. Fix a bug, link the fix in, One hundred little bugs in the code.
23. Why does no one like SQLrillex? He keeps dropping the database.
24. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
25. "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" very long pause…. "Java."
26. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
27. There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.
28. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook.
29. A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?" The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want'." The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
30. Top 10 phrases spoken by a Klingon Programmer A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code! By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die! You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand! Our competitors are without honor! Specifications are for the weak and timid! This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code! Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it! Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are! My program has just dumped Stova Core! Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!
31. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space.
32. Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
33. A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
34. Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug. Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. Woltman's Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time. Gallois' Revelation: If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.
35. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook.
36. Q. How did the programmer die in the shower? A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
37. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
38. A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university. After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman's breast. Woman: Hey! That's private OK ? The man hesitated for a second looking confused. Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
39. Why did the Lisp programmer get a new car? He ran out of storage space
40. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
41. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
42. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
43. A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
44. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
45. There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.
46. Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well," says God, "let us see if Jesus has fared any better." Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows Jesus saves."
47. Comic
48. Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs!
49. Funny Error Messages
50. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook.
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